i wish i were just a tad more drunk. then maybe this would come out just a tad bit better. or maybe nothing would come out at all.... maybe i'd be lying face down in my bed, breathing heavily, quietly and comfortably asleep. schoen grabbed my hand in the parking lot after the movie, which would be a normal gesture, except for the words that accompanied it. "it hit home, didn't it," she said. ha, right, what else is new? like every movie, book, constellation, song, picture, banana, street-walking couple. like every bowl of chicken & stars soup. like Mexican food. have many variations of this have i encounter? probably just as many as the next girl, honestly. i'm no different. some days i sympathize, some days i speak. a lot of those days, i'm speaking, and waiting. the wait comes from the infinite hope i seem to harvest in cubbies i can't seem to locate. who am i, some sort of God? i have no god-like powers because if i did, i wouldn't have these problems in the first place. in fact, i would grant everyone i know a sort of 'get out of jail free' card, excusing them from all sorts of pain. people don't realize that if they could exempt someone from all the pain in the world, the life they lead themselves would be better off.

anyway, before i wake up and realize i should delete this (which is actually unethical of me according to my media ethics professor) i'm going to pronounce myself mentally inept. i agree with kate winslet when i say that i'm too much of a believer in unrequited love and that someday, most importantly - someday soon, returned in ways i give it. i should give up on believing in such a thing. HONESTLY. but i imagine, watching your child play a sport they aren't necessary so good at. would you give up on them? or is that a horrible bonkers analogy?

ok, so this blog. read up.