you know the times that aren't funny, but actually agonizing, and you find yourself laughing just because they're either typical or you realize it was somehow your mistake that it's agonizing in the first place? i've been doing that a lot lately. i've always found that whatever clique i may be involved in momentarily (i.e. roommates) never wants to go out with me and hang out with my friends outside of the clique. this may not make any sense; perhaps i should explain.

two years ago, i lived with three Maple Grove girls. as it turns out, they saved my life that year, but it was more in due to the fact that i had been ditched (literally) in a previous living arrangement and was left "homeless" as i like to say. one of my luckier (not luckiest, since i've never been the luckiest in my opinion) moments was when a girl in my hall had voiced her frustrations about her own living situation where a girl had backed out of their lease. in the end, i took that girl's spot and it all worked out wonderfully (minus the raping cost of living). what i don't recommend: living with girls all from whom are from the same hometown. not only did i not understand 75% of what or who they were talking about, but the majority of the people they all hung out with were also from their hometown. i wasn't necessarily put in an awkward situation, mainly because i can stand up in my social boat without it tipping over (which i guess is another way of me saying i don't drown in social situations). i don't know who i should credit for being able to talk to anyone who stands in front of me, although i may stumble over words that who is standing in front of me is either 1) goregous or 2) British. maybe my mom - she seems to shake the hands of everyone she meets. anyway..... my point is, i was always going out wtih them and their friends, but when the time came to go out and party with my friends, they wouldn't.

whether or not i think this is because i came into their circle and don't hold much leeway in social plans......... but that's dumb, and borderline rude. it's rude because it proves to the friends i go out to see outside of this 'clique' that the other friends i have aren't very nice. maybe i should 'oh my god, whatever' this whole thing, but i want to be cynical, and i think i can nit-pick this. maybe i make friends with selfish people..... actually, now that i'm thinking about it, i could name (on two hands!) the people i know that are selfish friends. maybe you know who you are.... if you do, fix it. hey, maybe i'm a selfish friend, who knows. since this is about me, i suppose i could confess to my more selfish moments but 1) i don't have the money to be selfish (honestly) and 2) i know that i do my best to be a good person.

but i don't know why i gripe about people's incapability to mingle. maybe i exaggerated a little.... LITTLE... by saying it's agonizing, when really it's just more obnoxious. and so is college. and money. i might just be a gypsy when i grow up.