as i sit here in the office today, i don't feel much like tackling anything, let alone act like i'm chasing after a dream. i feel as though i should be consoling myself after saying that. if someone could ground me right now, that'd be great. Starbucks didn't have their pumpkin flavor and that made me mad. if i can't have my caffeinated drink of choice in the morning, bad afternoon follows.
or, is it because i'm just tired? the no-sleep tired. i was given a few things to fact check and all i feel like doing is planting my head on the keyboard. the other intern, whose restaurant views i'm invariably assigned to fact check, makes me sick. she loves New York, maybe that's why. i want to be the only person in the world to be in love with New York.
brett, the assistant art director who sits on my left, has the most obnoxious phone ring. and now i find myself bothered by the fact that the office is so futuristic. from the staircase railing to the desk lamps. i don't even have an explanation as to why this is annoying me. my nose is still running and i have these heat waves circling my shoulders and the small of my back. i don't know whow that would have anythign to do with being annoying at the desking i'm working on, but somehow that justifies it enough.
its days like today that i feel like ducking into my car and driving west to write a book. we were lectured on biomes today in biogeography and i was strangely fascinated (oh my god, i just admitted to enjoying a science). she was showing us slides of grasslands, deciduous trees, and evergreen homelands, and that's where i want to be right now (or standing behind the trees on the street that the Banks in Father of the Bride lived). i suppose this all has something to do with the fact that i'm constantly unhappy with the locations i've inhabited. my theory: being that there is only one place that has made me happy for longer than a week's time.... i'll either go back or become a gypsy. at least i know i can be homeless and write. not many businessmen can say that they can be homeless and conduct business.
i wish i could time-travel back to the day in eighth grade when we took a field trip to Kettle Morraine State Park, fall 1998. trampling around on dying grass while getting yelled at when we'd get too close to the edge of one of the cliffs. we sang a certain song while marching around Mr. Schneider. it was his first year teaching, so i'm sure he found us amusing. who wants to stare at what about those Little Farmer trips we used to take in grade school.
i could go for a pumpkin right now. not for any specific purpose.... but just to stare at. and hold. is that weird?