about three minutes ago, i rolled over my left shoulder on to my back and crossed my arms behind my head. weird, another night that i can't fall asleep. for a moment, i felt like i was in those noodlely commercials for sleep medications. i wonder if tylenol PM comes in extra-strength?

sometimes i rehearse a blog in my head where i end up saying what i really want to say. like, word for word, name for name, place and time and curse word, romantic tick. if i published the exactos of what i think about the people who are the factors in the equation of alison, i think the next time i'd blog, i'd have some subtractions. i can't help but think of myself ten years from now, publishing my very first book and having about two or three people coming at with fists because i somehow portrayed them unlawfully. for once i'd just like to insert people's names in here and see what happens.

(....meanwhile, it sounds as though my thug neighbors are scaling my house, conveniently right outside of my window.)

the more tired i become right now, the more upset i am because i know i'm going to go to bed and wake up and make attempts at understanding how all these ongoing instances in my life make sense. i think that's what we all refer to as life, but what i mean is, i'm going to have to concentrate hard on the people in my life getting me to where i want to be next.... happy, close to graduation, eager to start a new job, even more eager to love. god, i type the word 'love' and i suffer from a form of claustrophobia, like i've been wading in an mass of time that seems to have gotten me nowhere. and right now, while facing two options, i know and feel as though my best bet would be to get up and leave.

i bet you're wondering who and what the hell i'm talking about. you want places and even more, you want names.... but i guess all i can do is remind you of, be careful what you wish for.