life is like a tide. when the wind picks up, the waves come down a little harder. in my case, sometimes i feel that in comparison, my life is like a tsunami; when the ground below me shifts, and i'm engulfed, in over my head. as time has it, not only do i have the magnetic ability to attract bad luck, but back luck in all its glory. i can't tell if it's because i seem seduce the most problematic areas in my life. the last couple days have been crowded with worries and skepticism. i can't decide if i've lost control of all of my responsibilities as an adult, or it was one of life's many slips. i can't figure out if i'm an idiot, or if i get talked into idiocy too easily. i can't calm myself down this time and i'm afraid it's really going to ruin everything i touch.... i'm afraid it's already having an effect on me and i'm unsure of how to deal with it this time. i deal with other people's tragedies better than my own, is that how it's supposed to be?

it doesn't help that for the last few weeks, i've noticed an increase in air traffic above our house. everytime i hear the jets i wonder if i'm being bombed, as the biggest 'unluck' yet.

this hard-time around, i don't wish i could sleep it off. i just wish i could rewind and prevent it, fix it, or avoid it.