I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today
-sara bareilles, 'love song'


yo. life update, coming atcha. in the last five days, i've gained publishing opportunity. Number One is Lavender, Minneapolis' premiere gay/lesbian/bi/trans magazine. i'm their go-to-girl. also, the only hetero girl in the office - this, i have a feeling, is something i'll take pride in? i'll be reporting to Ethan and Michael.... two very gay, very to-the-heart-of-it guys. i'm looking forward to freelancing for them, not to mention the chats about less heterosexual, everyday things. Number Two is Downtown Journal, Minneapolis' downtown community newspaper. while i'm excited for both, i'm bracing myself for the blow upside the head signaling that i signed up for too much this semester. alison enjoys the stress of school, alison enjoys the stress of school. my mantra: stress fuels creativity. stress straightens me out. this being the case, i'm looking forward to it. i'm beginning to enjoy my early awakenings, real-morning coffees, brisk walks to the busstops; jump-starting my day with a curse word seems to work best. i manage to smile more during the day if i stay honest to myself; keep your friends (evenings) close and your enemies (early mornings) closer. i'm trying here.

i'm taking a break from love. it only gets me in trouble. here's the thing; my love is no longer free. i'm learning to become a little more rough around the edges. i'll be smiling, but i'll be thinking about how much i hate your guys.

this city is growing on me. in my magazine production course (where we put together an actual, single-theme magazine and send it to press), i've applied for the senior staff positions. what i should be applying for is just-pass-go to my early 30's where i'm content with my publishing career and applying for residency in the state of Maine. just a thought. ah... another thought struck a nerve....... maybe if i skip right to my 30s i can bypass my neglectful (not by i) love life and find myself married and happier than imaginable.

consumed...... needing contentness.